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Date Zero Report: Theater of the Absurdly Tall

Date Zero Report: Theater of the Absurdly Tall

Let this be a lesson to you neophyte online daters: you can plan, and plan, and plan to have a fantastic DZ and have it blow up in your face, and you can dread a DZ, blow a guy off several times, finally drag yourself to a DZ, proceed dump food all over yourself and commit other sundry malapropisms and he will like you all the more for it.


I wore: white long-sleeved t-shirt, AG jeans, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab perfume in “Queen of Hearts,” brown Ralph Lauren mules with heels, pearls, NARS Dolce Vita lipstick. Overall look: pretty fucking crappy, and I almost wore flip-flops to really top everything off, but decided at the last minute to at least put on the heels.

He wore: blue striped dress shirt with sleeves unbuttoned *but not rolled up* (this is very LA apparently), jeans, watch that might have been a Rolex, but I can’t say for sure.
AbsurdlyTall is 6’5″ and pretty cute. Very WASPy in appearance. Very exuberant. I am still not entirely clear what he does for a living, but it is some kind of computer programming, so he has clear golddigging potential (+1), but appears to be in an “I only work when I really have to” kind of phase (-1). Clearly at one point he was very successful, but I think he’s taking a more “spiritual” route these days. Not sure though.

We met at a Korean BBQ. I have never been to a Korean BBQ before. AbsurdlyTall is a regular, apparently. They brought a bunch of stuff over, and I’m not sure what most of it was. At one point, the woman almost set fire to our table (there is a little grill thingy in the middle of the table, so the dining experience is interactive). The food was good. The conversation was pretty good. But pretty good in the why-does-this-guy-keep-giving-me-the-baby-gas-look-when-I-keep-doing dumbass-stuff-like-dumping-kim-chee-on-my-shirt? kind of way.

At one point in the meal, AbsurdlyTall said something about having been married. I was taken aback, only because I didn’t realize that he had been married–not because I care about dating a divorced guy or anything:

AT: Is that it, is it over now?
AT: Old maid

The above dialogue was all in good fun and expressed jokingly, but as you can see there is a hint of very ascerbic wit here. As we know, judging him would be absurd given my own sense of humor; however, I want to record this here for posterity in case this rears its head again and turns into a problem.

AbsurdlyTall really wants to go out again, and really wants to pursue. Like really, really wants to pursue. I flaked on him on Sunday night without even cancelling (I know, it’s rude), and he still called again and emailed. At the end of the date, he said, “So, can I have another date? Can I?” and I sort of begrudgingly agreed, but said he had to call. He wanted to know my schedule this weekend, I hesitated, and he said, “Do I have to call to get that?” and I said, “Yes.”

I should like AbsurdlyTall more than I do. He’s SMRT, good looking and bordering on Very Good Looking, reasonably funny, and clearly likes me, at least right now. But eh. I don’t know. I’m not repulsed by him or anything. I should be totally ga-ga. He’s a good looking, tall, reasonably intellectual guy who seems to think I’m so fucking great and I’m like, “Eh.” WTF?! I’ll go out with him again, I guess.

I just don’t “get” me sometimes.

Maybe it’s when they walk in and they give you that look and you KNOW they totally like you right away, it kind of discredits everything else they do, like it doesn’t matter, I could say I was part of the Manson family and they’d still want to go out again.

Then again, if I’m not mistaken my DZ with Mr. Rogers was comparable. Hmm.

Yeah, maybe. I was already not that interested to begin with. I REALLY did not want to go on this DZ. Then he walked in and he was cute and it just didn’t make any sense. None of it made any sense! It makes me a little sad though because Mr. Rogers is not going to be a good pursuer, I already know this, yet I think he is better suited to me.

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